So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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