dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
