Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize