I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My penis needs a shock collar
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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