im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
