those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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