I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
