youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
