I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
