I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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