Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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