I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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