his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
