I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
