I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
