i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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