if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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