so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I need a burrito and a hug.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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