First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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