You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
