Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
