Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
