I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
