Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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