I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
