You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
