whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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