I wish I could punch you in the face.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
