Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
