i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
