So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
