Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
