Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
