brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
