I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
