you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
