Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
