Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I could fuck to npr.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize