I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just cropdusted the office
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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