When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
