I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Randomize
