ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
