I cockslap morals
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
