i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I will pee on everything he values.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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