Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
