yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
