Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
