the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
