drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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