If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
