Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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