i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Farmville is her only friend.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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