Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
