school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
