Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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