do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
