Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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