Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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