Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
