I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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