JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
