what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
