please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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