If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize