omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
