in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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