if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
