Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
