Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
