a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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