How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My bed smells like the plague
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize