Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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