Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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