How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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