His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You ate ashes out of my bong
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
