No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
