If i come over, it means nothing
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
