Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
