I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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