just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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