I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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