Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
