I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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