I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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