I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
pray to the hookup gods
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
