so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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