i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
