I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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