Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
