I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
